Ghosts S01e05 Bd9 -

"I told you," Alberta says. "I didn't rush the bridge. I owned it."

Beaumont is refined, condescending, and furious that Alberta (a famous 1920s chanteuse) died in "his" house before he did. "I reviewed your opening night at the Algonquin," he sniffs. "Two stars. You rushed the bridge." Alberta, who has never been more insulted, threatens to scat him into next Tuesday.

Sam, exhausted from B&B admin, falls asleep in the parlor armchair—Beaumont’s death spot. He possesses her. For five minutes, Sam (as Beaumont) walks into the kitchen where Jay is making pancakes and says, "These lack architectural integrity. The syrup-to-fluff ratio is a tragedy. Two stars." Jay is horrified. Sam wakes up with no memory, holding a fork like a conductor's baton. ghosts s01e05 bd9

Alberta steps in. She sings a single, perfect note—a low A-flat—that vibrates through the house. Beaumont is thrown out of Jay’s body, gasping. "How did you—"

Beaumont, shaken, admits that he died before ever writing a rave review. His one fear: irrelevance. Alberta offers a truce: he can write a "review" of her afterlife performance. He scribbles furiously, then reads aloud: "Alberta Haynes... transcendent. Five stars. The acoustics of eternity suit her." "I told you," Alberta says

Isaac has secretly started a "Revolutionary War Fact-a-Day" Patreon using Sam’s laptop when she’s not looking. His first post: "Alexander Hamilton once cried because a turtle bit him." It goes viral. Suddenly, Isaac is getting fan mail. Nigel (the British ghost) finds out and challenges him to a "duel of wits" — each must deliver a historical lecture in the barn at midnight. The loser has to polish Nigel’s ghostly boots (an impossible task, but it's the principle).

Then: a knock. Not a living knock. A ghostly triple-tap—the signal of a new arrival. "I reviewed your opening night at the Algonquin," he sniffs

Inside, Hetty is dictating a "welcome speech" to Alberta, who rolls her eyes. "No one wants a lecture on the spoils of industrialism, Hetty." Isaac, meanwhile, is trying to levitate a quill to write his own memoir, convinced that "practice makes spectral."