Retro Bowl Onion [FAST]

With two minutes left, down by four, Coach Spud called his final timeout. He looked at his players: faces smeared with onion juice, burps smelling of sulfur and regret. He walked to the sideline cooler, reached past the Gatorade, and pulled out his secret weapon.

Touchdown. Championship.

And from that day on, the Retro Bowl awarded the MVP a golden onion ring, and no one ever spoke of the raw ones again. retro bowl onion

He diced the shallot with his play-calling card, mixed it with a packet of mustard and a squirt of sports drink, and fed it to his quarterback. The QB’s eyes widened. It wasn’t good. But it wasn’t evil . With two minutes left, down by four, Coach

“It’s… spicy water?” muttered Guard #64, tears streaming down his blocky cheeks. Touchdown

Spud blinked. His chunky, pixelated face remained stoic. “An onion?”

On the final play, as time expired, the QB dropped back. The onion fumes had cleared his sinuses so violently that he could see into the future. He threw a 99-yard bomb that deflected off an onion peel, bounced off a ref’s head, and landed perfectly in the end zone.